Everytime I fly American Airlines to Canada I'm always left stranded at the airport waiting for a delayed flight. I don't know why I thought today would be any different. My flight was delayed for over an hour this morning. The good news was that I was stuck in the boarding area, not crammed like a sardine on a flight seat. I also had the boyfriend's DVD player which kept me entertained, as well as Lahiri's new book, "The Namesake" which turned out to be an interesting read.

I was hoping that Christmas break to be a week of non-stop sleep. I really need to reenergize before I go back to school or else the kids will drive me insane. My brother is the one who suggested we go to Canada to visit the family, wholeheartedly supported by my mom who spent a week guilting me into going. I'll be here for four days, which isn't a long time when you think about it, but I still would've preferred to lounge around my own home. Let's pray that the family behaves itself.

Anyway, here are snippets of conversations that flew past my ears between NYC and Toronto:

At the gate in La Guardia

Girl 1: "Do they speak English in Canada?"
Girl 2: "You're STUPID!! Of course they don't speak English in Canada! Why should they? It's Canada!"
Girl 1: "Well, what do they speak?"
Girl 2: "Canadian of course. Duh.You're really stupid."
(Duh indeed)
Girl 1: "You're the stupid one. You didn't even think of getting a travel guide so we could talk to people there. Now we're just going to look like stupid American tourists who can't even speak a word of Canadian."

***

The food court at La Guardia

Man: "I can't believe how easy it was for us to check-in! That was really fast!"
Woman: "It's crazy! All that talk about airport security and we check-in in seconds."
(Mind you, this is just check-in where you get your boarding pass. This couple hasn't even gotten to security yet.)
Man: "Goes to show you how easy it is for the terrorists to pass through."
Woman: "You know what I learned about the other day??? There are Arab CHRISTIANS!! Can you believe that?!!! Why would any Christian want to be an Arab??"

***

At the American Airlines gate, waiting for the plane to finally arrive
(They just announced that instead of flying out at 10:40, we'd fly out at 11:20)

Woman: "I've been sitting here for an hour! I want to go home! I'm tired and you people insist on making us sit here!"
Flight attendant: "Ma'am, there's really nothing we can do. The other plane was delayed because of bad weather, but I'm sure the pilot will try to make up for lost time in the air."
Woman: "But I have to go the bathroom! And I can't leave my stuff here!"
FA: "The bathroom is right around the corner. I'll personally keep an eye on your stuff while you go."
Woman: "But my teddy! I can't leave my teddy and I can't take him to that bathroom!"
FA: Blank look

She was holding a pink teddy bear that was covered in a baby's blanket. He (as did everyone else in the area) thought she was holding a baby. When we learned that it was a pink teddy bear we didn't know how to react.

***

On the flight

Man next to me: "First time to Toronto?"
Me: "No. I've visited before."
Man: "It's a nice city."
Me: "Yeah. I've visited before."
Man: "I'm staying at the ---- hotel."
Me: Silent
Man: "If you want, I can take you around the city."
Me: "Thanks, but it's ok. I manage well."

Five minutes later...

Man: "You're not American."
Me: "What?"
Man: "No, I was looking at you filling out your customs card. 'S' is not an American name."
Me: "Ok."
Man: "So where are you from?"
Me: "America."
Man: "You're very exotic looking."

How annoying is that??? What the hell, am I an African parrot?

***

At Canadian customs

I'm standing on line. The woman in front of me is sniffling.

Customs agent: "Are you sick ma'am?"
Woman: "Yes, I think I just came down with something."
CA: "What do you have?"
Woman: "I don't know. Maybe the flu."
CA: "What kind of flu?"

What???

Woman: "I don't know."
CA: "Do you have anything else? Any other sickness?"
Woman: "What is this?? Do you work for WHO??"

Labels: travel