free stats Carmen's Web: Christmas Eve
Monday, December 25, 2006
Christmas Eve
If you ever want to spend a nice, quiet Christmas toasting marshmallows by the fireplace or sipping some hot chocolate while watching "It's a Wonderful Life", then you have to avoid the boyfriend's house during the holidays. Christmas Eve was packed with action at 6pm on the dot and is actually still continuing till now, nearly 2am. I, however, managed to slip away about an hour ago and am in the nice, toasty comfort of my bed.

This was the first Christmas I've ever spent with the BF. In the beginning of our relationship, we weren't close enough to spend the holidays together. When he finally managed to get his act together (last year), I had already bought tickets to spend Christmas vacation in Egypt with my aunt. I had no idea what to expect tonight, but I surely never expected this level of pandemonium!! I felt really odd for a while till his nephew's girlfriend, who noticed my subtle unease, whispered to me, "Don't worry...I was overwhelmed too when I first spent Christmas with this family!"

There seemed to have been 200 people at the BF's house tonight. I exaggerate, of course, but I think you get the point. Again, the BF is the youngest of twelve and he's got so many nieces and nephews that it's difficult to keep track of everyone (he even forgot to get presents for one of his grand-nephews. They just didn't show up on his radar).

I am not the kind of person who shines in situations like these. When I'm surrounded by too many people, I tend to shut down a little bit. I'm just not used to it. I've got a small family and have always envied the boyfriends' his but I simply don't know how to navigate through them just yet.

Plus, I've been really tired recently. So tired that the very thought of having to socialize makes my stomach curl. I tried hard to be social tonight, but failed miserably I think. I had three people ask me what was wrong and one niece who kept probing, "Are you pregnant? Cuz you know when you're pregnant you get really tired. Is it even a possibility?", and on and on and on. She kept staring at my stomach as well, which has expanded due to the Wendy's large size combo meals I've been eating everyday. "You know, if you're pregnant you can tell me, I won't tell anyone". Yeah. Because if I'm pregnant the BF shouldn't be the first to know. It seemed impossible to end the pregnancy convo till her son hit his head against the wall as he was attempting to reenact a scene from Spiderman. That kinda killed the discussion, but she kept eyeing me for the rest of the evening.

We started part one of the evening at the BF's house and made our way to his brother's house (up the block) around tenish, where the stereo was blaring merengue and the glasses ran full of wine. An hour later, everyone was drunk and I was sitting by the stairs observing them all. It truly was a wonderful sight. The whole family there, not giving a shit about anything, just enjoying each other's company.

I, however, couldn't stay there for too long. After midnight struck and gifts had been exchanged, I had to leave. I mean, how long can one stay if one doesn't drink? Have you ever been the only sober person in a roomful of buzzed/drunk people??? Not pleasant I tell you. I had myself a glass of wine only to try to loosen up a little, but all that did was make my stomach feel bad. What I really wanted to do was go back home with the BF and just spend some quiet time alone. We did go back to his house at one point, but that was only to give his nieces' their presents. I wanted to suggest that we stay a bit, but he implied that he wanted to go back to the party. So I let him go and just came home.

This becomes one of the very frustrating aspects of our relationship at the moment, the fact that we have no home. I hate that I had to leave to come home to a practically empty house. That there was really no other satisfactory alternative; I could either stay at the party or leave. Spending time alone with him was not an option. I wish he and I could form our own family unit. And I'm not talking about kids. I'm talking about "Okay, we've had our fun now it's time for us to go home" or "now it's time for our personal traditions".

It's taking us a while to get to that point.

His brother, however, came up to me before gifts were exhanged and said, "S, I'm going to make it a point to get to know you better this year. R has confirmed that this is the real deal and I promise to get to know you. Welcome to the family."

I feel like I'm about to lose my train of thought and think I'll be going off on tangents if I continue writing for another minute. Blame it on the wine, the hoopla, or the frustration. But to spare you the tangents I will sign off now.

Oh...the BF's niece's boyfriend? He actually DID buy presents...I'm beginning to think that his Egyptian sarcasm is not translating well with the family.


Thoughts shared by Carmen at 1:46 AM
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Who: Carmen

xx-something egyptia-yorker who's spent over half her life stuck in two worlds not of her own making. unable and unwilling to fully embrace one identity over the other, she created (is trying to create) her own place in the world where people love each other unconditionally, irrespective of artificial boundaries, and where dancing merengue is as necessary to life as breathing air.

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