free stats Carmen's Web
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
My body is going into famine mode. It's desperately sending me signals that it needs help and for some reason I continue to ignore them. I'm well aware of the SOS, but am not responding to the call.

Whatever it was that I had last week (virus, nerves, stress, sensory overload) had a huge effect on me and I've been afraid to really eat anything even though I've been feeling well. The worst is definitely over--the chills I had, the absolute lack of desire to eat anything--all that is gone. But I'm still not eating. My body is going no nutrients. I've never lost so much weight so quickly in my life. My jeans, which used to be more than pretty snug, are so loose now that I've had to buy a belt to keep them up. I'm afraid of the severe physical changes.

It's amazing how resilient your body is, though. I honestly can't believe that it hasn't completely shut down. I feel the changes/warning signs. I blank out a lot. Complete blank out. It's not even normal memory loss (where the hell did I leave my keys) but I can't remember even the most basic of things. When I DO eat, I feel the effects immediately...the blood rushing to my brain, the stability of my body.

Taught my second class today. I'm still not getting "it" the way I really want to (perhaps if I eat that might help, huh????) I keep spoon-feeding the class (a problem I have in life outside the classroom). I always want to rescue people, save them from their problems. I wish I could learn to just let people work things out for themselves; be there as an anchor rather than solve their problems. I think if I can work this out then maybe I can translate it to my classroom (or vice-versa).
Thoughts shared by Carmen at 12:25 PM
| link to this post
| 0 added their 2 cents worth! |

Who: Carmen

xx-something egyptia-yorker who's spent over half her life stuck in two worlds not of her own making. unable and unwilling to fully embrace one identity over the other, she created (is trying to create) her own place in the world where people love each other unconditionally, irrespective of artificial boundaries, and where dancing merengue is as necessary to life as breathing air.

Want more? Click here!

You can email me here image hosting and photo sharing