My alarm didn't go off in the morning. Or maybe it did and I was just so exhausted that I didn't hear it. I usually wake up every single day at 5am or so and refuse to get out of bed until my alarm goes off. This morning I woke up at 6:30 and realized I could still sleep for about an hour, so I shut my eyes, tossed and turned, and then at one point I saw that there was too much light outside my balcony. Looked at the time, saw it was 9:15, jumped out of bed, brushed my teeth, put my hair up, and ran out of the house. Thankfully I live only fifteen minutes away by train, so I arrived to class around 9:45 or so. Not a pleasant morning.

I arrived to class in the middle of a lesson, which flew completely over my head. We had to learn the difference between communicative aims and linguistic aims, and how to fill out an MFP (meaning, form, pronunciation---if you have no interest to ever become an EFL teacher I would suggest you not even ask me to explain to you what this is). I don't know if it's because I missed the first half hour of the class or what, but I couldn't make sense of any of it. ANY OF IT. When we broke for a fifteen minute break and our tutor left the room we all just kinda stared at each other with a "what the fuck just happened" look. It was like being in a really bad car crash. I hope all our lessons aren't like that.

Saw our elementary tutor teach her class today...she just makes it seem so easy. It was nearly a two hour class...by the time she finished we had our jaws on the floor. The way she managed to control the room the way she did, quite impressive. I teach on Monday and don't think I'll even be able to do half of what she did today.

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Why is it that I feel so foreign here? I'm chicken shit, terrified to go into a restaurant and ask for anything. I keep either seeking McDonald's or this tapas place I found near the university. The waitress there speaks English and I was immediately comforted by that fact. The food is pretty good too, but expensive. I still make my way there regardless because it's a) not McDonald's and b) a new comfort zone.

I don't know why it is that I'm so scared of my own voice. My Spanish really isn't that bad. I can easily get by with it, but for some reason can't seem to get it out my mouth. I've always been afraid of speaking, even in my own language, so I don't know why it should be much of a surprise to realize I'm afraid of talking to anyone here in Spanish.