free stats Carmen's Web: Lousy Day
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Lousy Day
I was in a lousy mood yesterday. Absolutely lousy.

It started when I received an email from my best friend. A while ago, she emailed her ex (a Bosnian Muslim) and told him that the boyfriend and I are close to making our relationship work and that we're talking about marriage. He replied by telling her that struggling against my family is un-Islamic and that my struggle is against my own self, not my family. I will never be happy if I defy them. If I do marry the boyfriend, my kids will not be raised right since I am ignorant of my background.

The e-mail contained a lot of other shit that had me fuming at one point and for some reason just got me down. I've been trying so hard to understand why it bothered me so much and I still haven't been able to wrap my head around it. It's really easy for men to judge women like me. It's easy to attack our faith and beliefs and it's something that I need to get used to. I already know that I will be ostracized from the Islamic community and my family. I know this. And so I don't know why it bothered me so much to read his e-mail. I need to grow a thicker skin.

In either case, I accept no religious advice from an alcoholic, promiscuous bastard. I'll never understand how Muslims who clearly don't follow their own religion have the nerve to comment on the way others practice it.

Things didn’t improve much when I got to work. I won't even bother commenting on the high school bullshit I had to deal with, but suffice it to say that I'm now officially unhappy at my job. I'm really, really sad that this job is so unsatisfying. I know the first year of teaching at school is the toughest, and I don’t think I would mind the tough bit so much, but there’s something about these kids that’s just so…uninspiring. I feel like my workday is a burden and I’m afraid that this is going to start showing pretty soon if things don’t get better.

During lunch I went to check my e-mail and found one from my ex. Five years ago I dated this guy who cheated on me. It was a bad time in my life not because of the cheating but because my friend knew that he was cheating on me and never told me. To deal with his betrayal was hurtful. To deal with hers was devastating. It took a while for us to get past it and become genuine friends again.

So, five years later he sends me an e-mail with his phone number asking me to call him. It took two seconds for me delete his e-mail and put it out of my head. The memories that were stirred, however, added to the lousy day.

End of the workday. Nothing else can go wrong, right?

I had to go into the city after work for a doctor’s appointment. After my appointment I was walking back to the subway, ignoring the world, basically hoping that the day would just wrap up. A short, olderish man tried to stop me and said, “excuse me”. I ignored him and kept on walking. I just wasn’t in the mood for anything.

Seven steps into my stride I started feeling guilty. What if this man needed directions? What if nobody stopped for him? So I turned around. I wouldn’t have been able to have slept through the night if I hadn’t.

“Sir, do you need any help?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied, “can you look at this?”

I looked down to the paper in his hand to see a picture of his penis. Son of a bitch.

Perfect ending for a lousy day, don't you think?
Thoughts shared by Carmen at 5:17 PM
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Who: Carmen

xx-something egyptia-yorker who's spent over half her life stuck in two worlds not of her own making. unable and unwilling to fully embrace one identity over the other, she created (is trying to create) her own place in the world where people love each other unconditionally, irrespective of artificial boundaries, and where dancing merengue is as necessary to life as breathing air.

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