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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Let's Talk About Sex

Here's how my Advisory class went today:

Me: "Okay ladies, let's settle down. We have a lot to discuss today since last week you were whining, crying, and wasting time. Today we are going to talk about sex."

Stunned silence, immediately followed by:

"Miiiiiiiiissssssss, I don't wanna talk about sex!!!!"

"MISS, I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT SEX, WE DON'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT!"

"But Miss, this is embarrassing!"

"MISS!!! We can't talk about this! We're girls! Boys talk about sex all the time, but we can't!"


I hated hearing that. Sex is not something girls talk about. It's just something that's done to them apparently.

Me: "Ladies, sex is on our agenda today. While I don't want any of you having sex now or anytime soon, you need to know this information so you can make informed decisions in the future. If only the boys know things, and I guarantee you that everything they know is WRONG, you will be at a disadvantage. I am here as a trusted adult who will try to answer all your questions as honestly as possible. Who else are you going to be able to go to for real answers? I know this is a very personal topic, and we are not going to go into your lives. This is a general discussion about sex."

I then put the girls at different tables, gave them small sheets of paper, and told them that they could to write any question in the world they had about sex anonymously. They'd then throw the papers into a bag and I'd answer them as much as I could.

I have to admit I myself did not want to have this conversation. As they were writing and stuffing the bag with their questions, I was getting very nervous. While I've never shied away from sexual talk, I've never had to sit in a room with ten teenage girls to talk about the birds and the bees.

I started our discussion by asking them what they thought sex was. One of the major problems we've got with teenagers in NYC right now is the fact that the boys have managed to convince the girls that oral sex is NOT sex. The boys have also managed to convince girls that it's not sex if they just put the head of their penis into their vagina. That would preserve virginity, they say, so it's not sex. And they wouldn't be able to get pregnant.

So we went through a brief definition of what sex is and is not and I introduced them to Monica Lewinsky and the infamous blow job. They were SHOCKED to know that a president of the United States was involved in such a scandal!

My poor girls. Everytime I said the word "oral sex" their faces turned 342 different shades of red.

Here are some of the questions they threw in the bag:
  • Why do boys like to have their thingies sucked?
  • How can you get pregnant? Be specific please.
  • Can a girl get pregnant if she has sex standing up?
  • Can you get pregnant if you have sex when you have your period?
  • How do gay people have sex?
  • Does it hurt the first time you have sex?
  • Does it hurt more for girls or boys to have sex for the first time?
  • Why do boys get horny?
  • Why do boys like to masturbate?
  • Why do we have to suck boys' thingies?
  • Why do boys like touching girls' bodies?
  • What is a wet dream?
  • Why do people have sex before marriage?
  • Why are boys stupid?
  • What happens if a girl never has sex?
  • What happens if a girl has sex everyday?
  • What happens if a girl has sex with many different people?
  • Is it true that a boy can die from blue balls?
Now, this is just a SHORT collection of the questions in that bag. We managed to get through only three questions in our hour together. We could not go through one question without the girls giggling, turning red, and hiding their faces. When I said the word "ejaculation" I thought they were going to drop dead. They were SO uncomfortable, but were also genuinely curious about the answers.

Even though they pretended like they didn't want to listen you could see the antennas come up, especially when we were talking about pregnancy. It was so hard and so uncomfortable talking to these ladies about pre-cum. I myself didn't learn about pre-cum till my 20s. I've got some male friends who still have no idea what it is. Granted the chances of getting pregnant from pre-cum are lower than ejaculation, but it's still something they need to know. Especially since boys will try to convince them that it's not so important to use a condom until they're almost about to "burst".

So, my ladies are absolutely disgusted by oral sex. I've never seen a group so grossed out by something. And I guess it makes sense. A 14 year old girl can never see the appeal of something that sounds so repulsive; putting a boy's thingie in your mouth??? The same thingie they use to pee with???? GROSS.

You wanna know what the boys did in their Advisory class? Our boys made balloons out of the condoms and stuck them around the school. I told my girls that when they are embarrassed, they blush and giggle. When boys are embarrassed, they act stupid.

Next week I bring in pictures of the vagina so the girls can know what their hidden parts look like.
Thoughts shared by Carmen at 5:12 PM
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Who: Carmen

Mini-Bio:
xx-something egyptia-yorker who's spent over half her life stuck in two worlds not of her own making. unable and unwilling to fully embrace one identity over the other, she created (is trying to create) her own place in the world where people love each other unconditionally, irrespective of artificial boundaries, and where dancing merengue is as necessary to life as breathing air.

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