I knew it would happen eventually. I'm surprised it didn't happen earlier.

I've always been reluctant to blog. I first started blogging when I went to Spain last year to keep my friends abreast with my comings and goings. When I returned to New York, I stopped writing because I didn't want to share too much of myself. I was afraid of getting criticized, judged, and attacked, which always seems to happen when a Muslim woman dares to step out of bounds. It's damaging, this psychological warfare, and I've never really been equipped to deal with it.

I love who I am. It's taken me quite a bit of time to reconcile all the facets of my different identities into this one ever-changing hybrid conglomerate. It was not an easy task, one made even harder by being a Muslim woman. I alone (well, together with all other Muslim women) carry the burden of representing the Islamic community, a role we never chose to adopt, but one that was forced down our throats from the moment we were conceived.

There are a million blogs on the internet. There are over 130 posts on my blog. My previous entry was about my deep fear of reptiles, yet the only thing one reader managed to discern was how I disgraced the Islamic community by flaunting my sexual escapades.

So, S, who cares? What's one anonymous comment?

It's not about one comment. It's about the fucking mindset, the double-standard mindset, that continues to exist. If I were a Muslim man writing about a night of debauchery, my virtue would not have been attacked.

A couple of years ago I wrote an article on a progressive Muslim website about some issues I was having with my non-Muslim boyfriend. It was about a REAL problem, about our interfaith conflict. There was no mention of sex, no mention of any kind of physical intimacy. Just my confusion. I can't begin to tell you the kinds of comments I received. I was called a whore, a traitor to Islam. I was accused of flaunting my sins and was damned to hell by a number of commentators.

The comments were completely irrelevant to my article and pushed me away. Discouraged, I avoided (and continue to avoid) an Islamic community that harshly judges and attacks rather than listens.

There will be no hijacking of this blog. Get it? I will not engage in any kind of dialogue with anyone who does not possess the skills to be able to carry a fruitful one. You can hold any opinion you want, but if you cannot state your case persuasively and resort to personal attacks and judgments, go elsewhere.

I am NOT a spokesman for Muslim women. I do not represent anyone or anything. If there are Muslim women out there who want to represent an Islam that is congruent with the traditional role as defined by certain individuals (such as anon in my previous post) please leave your name and number in the comments section. I'm sure someone will get back to you soon.

For everyone else, unless you're providing me with pleasure, get your head out from between my thighs. Your honor does not lie there.