An anon, in the previous post on my breasts, kindly supplied me with the Quranic reference that forbids interfaith marriage for Muslim women. Apparently he/she must have thought that I somehow overlooked that verse when I read the the Quran and attempted to enlighten me. After all, we women don't have the ability to be discerning readers.

Seriously, though, guys, would it kill you to post comments under the appropriate posts???

Anyway, I'm answering his/her comment here because I want all the anons to read this and BACK OFF. You throw verses at me as if I were an ignorant cow and offer opinions that have absolutely no basis in the Quran. You think you're doing me a favor, but all you're doing is confirming to me how many ignorant people really exist out there.

First of all, I will completely ignore anon's earth-shattering interpretation of 2:221 ("It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim from any other religion, whether from among the Jews or Christians...") because there's nothing to back that claim up.

The Quran says that NO MUSLIM, man or woman, is allowed to marry a mushrik (2:221) nor a kafir (60:10-11). NO MUSLIM. Period. End of discussion.

What most of you anons are telling me here, then, is that God, by allowing Muslim men to marry ahl al kitab (People of the Book) women (5:5), abrogated 2:221 and 60:10-11 JUST for men and allowed them to marry a mushrik or a kafir. You really think that God favors men THAT much to give them that kind of license? "Sure guys, go ahead and marry a mushrik. They're not as bad as you think they are..ignore the basic spiritual message I'm trying to convey to you. You're exempt because you're men". It doesn't sound like something the God I know would do.

But that's not my main argument. Silence on an issue does not equal a prohibition.

What makes Christian and Jewish MEN kufar or mushrikeen, but not Christian or Jewish women? Why didn't verse 5:5 read, "made lawful to you are chaste mushrik women"? THAT would definitely have abrogated all the other verses (2:221, 60:10-11).

No where in the Quran are Jews or Christians referred to as kufar. Some of their practices may be considered a type of kufr, but Muslims can very easily fall into that category as well. A kafir is a "rejecter of the truth", a person who is convinced of Islam in his/her heart but for some reason or another rejects it. You are not allowed to call anyone a kafir because you do not know what is in his/her heart, what he/she is convinced of or believes. That's up to God.

That's one down.

No where in the Quran are Jews or Christians referred to as mushrikeen. A mushrik is one who ascribes partners to God. While a lot of you anons like to say that believing in the trinity makes one a mushrik, none of the Christians I know actually ascribe partners to God. And if you talked to any Christian and tried to explain to him/her that they are ascribing partners to God, they'd laugh in your face.

Furthermore, the Quran has NEVER addressed Christians as mushrikeen.

Two down.

Christians and Jews have been referred to as People of the Book. Why are you and your kind, who portend to speak for God, define them as mushrikeen and kufar, denied to ALL Muslims by God?

Since you're so fond of pulling quotes from the Quran, what about these:

"Those who believe (in the Qur'an), and those who follow the Jewish (scriptures), and the Christians and the Sabians,- any who believe in God and the Last Day, and work righteousness, shall have their reward with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve". (2:62)

"Those who believe (in the Qur'an), those who follow the Jewish (scriptures), and the Sabians and the Christians,- any who believe in God and the Last Day, and work righteousness,- on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve". (5:69)

"Those who believe (in the Qur'an), those who follow the Jewish (scriptures), and the Sabians, Christians, Magians, and Polytheists,- God will judge between them on the Day of Judgment: for God is witness of all things". (22:17)

Not all who call themselves Muslims will enter heaven. Not all who do not call themselves Muslim will be condemned to hell. Look at 22:17...are Christians referred to as polytheists???? That verse CLEARLY separates them from the polytheists, the mushrikeen you tell me I'm not allowed to marry, no?

What people like you, anons, are doing is filling in the silence of the Quran regarding the question of interfaith marriage for women. Neither the Quran nor the Sunnah explicitely forbid interfaith marriage for Muslim women. YOU are forbidding interfaith marriage.

"The halal is that which Allah has made lawful in His Book and haram is that which He has forbidden, and that concerning which He is silent He has permitted as a favour to you." Reported in Al-Hakim.

So now please leave me alone unless you've been given some clear directive from God to change His word.

Labels: religion

Devil's spawn and I are the only ones who usually get up early in this house. Which means I'm stuck with her alone for at least two hours before the rest of the pack decides to get out of bed.

We were sitting at the dining table right now, she eating her breakfast, me finishing a piece for a magazine, when her little devil eyes looked up at me and said,"are you hungry?" Simple question really, but I knew why she was asking it. Everyone is fasting today and so little devil spawn was trying to tease me.

"No, not at all," I replied.

She pets her sandwich (who in the world pets a sandwich???) and says, "Even if you were, you can't eat."

"Oh yes I can".

"No, you have to wait for maghrib. If you're a good Muslim, you can't eat before maghrib".

GRRRRRRR.

Why the hell do they put these ideas in this girl's head???

"H," I said with a voice a little louder than it should have been, "being a good Muslim has nothing to do with whether you fast today or not. Don't let anyone convince you of that."

My family has never been one to force faith down anyone's throat. We grew up knowing we had to pray, fast during Ramadan, the works. But no one ever tried to force you to do something or intimidate you into doing it. But recently, every single member of my family (save for my father who still believes that people should have a choice in personal matters) has been on a mission. We're all forced to get up and pray at the same time, fast at the same time, read the Koran at the same time. It's one of the reasons I don't enjoy big family gatherings anymore. All they've become are events where everyone waits for the moment to say, "Yalla, let's go pray".

I see it as harassment. The other day my mother and my uncle were practically riding my cousin's back because he didn't get up to pray when they told him to. "Yalla ya H!! OOOM SALI!!!" The kid is 18 years old. He'll get up when he gets up. Or if he wants to get up.

They don't just do it to the young either. They'll do it to each other. My mother will constantly nag my uncle to get up and pray, who'll nag his wife, who'll end up nagging someone else.

Sometimes it even turns into a contest to see who'll pray first. My mom will sneak off to the bedroom and upon returning to the living room will say, "ana salet!" (I prayed!), but in a na-na-na-na sort of way. I swear, as adults get older, their minds regress to kindergarden.

Last night, my uncle asked me if I was going to wake up to have sohour with them. Before I was even able to answer he said, "But you aren't fasting? You have that anemia." Before I was able to utter a word again he said, "But that's nothing. You can fast."

How infuriariting is that? What kind of satisfaction can you ever get from forcing someone to do something?

I've found that this harassment doesn't confine itself to my family or Muslims. The past two holiday gatherings at the boyfriend's house were rampant with this. After dinner, one of his sisters would usually announce that they're about to pray the rosary for his late mother (God rest her soul). No one was given a choice whether they wanted to pray or not. They had to sit and pray. I noticed some people attempt to sneak off, only to be intercepted by someone and brought back to the living room.

I told my uncle that I would not be fasting. He gave me a hard stare and asked why. I replied by saying that I just won't do it. He tried to convince me that I HAVE to and I ended the conversation by telling him that I have my period and watched his face turn beet red. Did I really have to go that route to shut him up? Couldn't he just have accepted the fact that I was not going to fast?

I doubt I would've fasted even if I didn't have my period. Does this make me a bad Muslim? According to the devil's spawn, yes. In the eyes of the rest of my family, I've crossed the line to bad Muslim a long time ago when I declined going on the pilgrimage because I didn't think I was ready. In others' eyes, I'm a bad Muslim for the fact that I'm very close to marrying outside my faith.

How nice would the world be if people just minded their own business and lived their spiritual lives in private.

Labels: religion

I used to celebrate Christmas with a fervor that would put Santa Claus to shame. My house was always the prettiest on the block, my Christmas tree was always decked to the halls, and the gifts I would give people always the most unique.

It drove some of my family crazy.

"We're Muslim!! We don't celebrate this!! What you're doing is blasphemy!"

One of my cousins actually tried to take down my tree when he came over one day. When he realized that I was going to beat him to the ground if he did, he started on about how having a tree nullifies not only my Islam, but the Islam of anyone in the house. "I cannot stay in this house with this tree". I responded by turning on the lights and putting on religious Christmas tunes. When he heard "Christ the Savior is born" he just walked out of the house.

My mother had never been happier! I managed to single handedly get rid of an idiot that she'd been trying to get rid of for years!! "Everyday should be Christmas!"

My father felt bad so he went after my cousin and told him to stop being stupid. "Ya A, eh el moshkela? (What's the problem?) Don't we believe in Jesus? Didn't Jesus have to be born? What's so wrong about celebrating the day he was born? It doesn't mean that we believe in the entire Christian theology. Don't be stupid, come back."

"You're not a Muslim if you think like this! What you're doing is haram!"

My father is not big on people judging him. He wasn't going to continue a conversation with this man, so he turned around and just walked back home. When he came into the house he told me not to be upset (I wasn't) and that I could celebrate Christmas as long as I wanted to (I would).

We left Egypt for Germany when I was around four. Christmas is one of the only holidays that I remember from Germany. Every year my parents got my brother and I a Christmas tree and would fill it with as many presents as they could. We were quite poor, so the presents always consisted of things my mother would make herself which made the whole day so much more special. She would also take my brother and I out on the lantern walk...I can't for the life of me remember what it was called. (Anyone living in Germany, help me with this!!)

When we moved to America we continued our Christmas traditions. My father's sister, who had been living in America for over twenty years, always created lavish meals for Christmas.

These "Muslim" Christmases have always managed to confuse the people around us. When I first met the boyfriend, he had no idea what to make of my Christmas spirit. I had just shattered all his beliefs about Muslims. I was not a veiled woman, I traveled extensively without having a guardian, I wore bathing suits to the beach, and I celebrated Christmas. Just the other day he asked me if it's okay to send a Christmas card to someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas.

I've never seen how celebrating Christmas if you're a Muslim is so horrible. And I understand that the way I celebrate Christmas is not the same as a Christian celebrating Christmas. It's not as holy for me as it would be to the boyfriend, for example, but it's just as special. Maybe it's special for me because of that traditions my parents created for my brother and I. Maybe it's special because I like pretty things and cities during Christmas are beautiful. Or maybe it's because I love giving. I love making people happy and Christmas gives me the opportunity to create things for people to put a smile on their face.

Whatever it is, Christmas is beautiful. In the previous post, someone left a comment asking if American Muslims celebrate Christmas and I'd love to know what you guys do. Do American Muslims (or British Muslims, Western Muslims) celebrate Christmas or am I an anomaly?

Labels: Christmas, crazy family, Islam, religion

My mother bought a new dining table a few weeks ago. It bothered my father a little bit because 1). we're financially constrained since he's practically supporting crazy aunt right now and 2). it would mean that he would have to take apart the original dining table and store it somewhere and while he's always been fond of manual work, the hassle didn't really seem worth it to him. He didn't make a big fuss about it, though, because my mother told him that the table reminded her of the one my grandmother used to own.

I wish I had a video camera the day they were moving that table. Between my father barking directions at my mother and my mother barking directions right back at him it would've made for great comic relief if that nasty depression ever hits me again. I could have helped them, but then I really wouldn't have enjoyed the show.

When I had had enough of laughing I went to try to help them and they yelled at me to leave them alone. It was the only thing they agreed on anything as they were trying to move that table. See what happens when you try to be helpful????!

I let them be and went into the basement to get some work done. At one point I heard the doorbell ring and then my mother telling me to get it. They had ordered pizza and were at that moment in the process of moving the top of the table. I went upstairs, paid for the pizza, swiped a slice, and then heard screaming from their bedroom. My father had somehow wedged his fingers between the table and the headboard of the bed and if one person had moved he would have lost those fingers. I quickly ran to the headboard and pulled it away from the wall, giving him enough time to get his fingers out before he let the table thump to the ground.

He spent the next couple of days thanking me for saving him. He kept telling me that he owed me a big one and he'd always remember how I was there to save him. Now, my father has never been one for the dramatics, so he must've really thought he was going to lose those fingers.

Of course, it wasn't just me who saved him. It was God. God put me at the right place and the right time. Usually when my mother yells at me from upstairs, I never respond. She has a tendency to ask me to do very silly, unimportant things and so if I just ignore her for a little bit she'll forget what she needed. That time when she called me, however, I went upstairs immediately though I'm still not sure why. Had I ignored her the way I usually do, I wouldn't have had enough time to help my father.

My father told this story to every one of his friends on the phone. God was looking out for him and this was proof.

Thanking God has been my father's mantra since he went on the pilgrimage three years ago. He came back a changed man. He seemed much more at peace with himself and the world, became much less judgmental, and seemed to realize that he did a lot of stupid things throughout his life. While he's always been wonderful to my mother, he realized that he did actually put her through hell sometimes and has been making up for that everyday.

Everything that happens now happens because of God. When I got this teaching job last May I had come up after a really bad day at my previous job. I walked in through the door to my father welcoming me home and asking me how life was. I muttered something and he said, "you should be happy!"

"What's there to be happy about?" I grumbled.

"Everything! Didn't God just give you a job you were desiring?!"

My first instinct was to tell him that God didn't give me this job. That I worked really hard for YEARS to get to this point in my life, but I didn't want to have a theological discussion with him.

Yesterday my father thanked God again. I've been sick as a dog for the past week. At first I developed laryngitis, but now I've got a full-fledged cold that's kept me home for the past two days. I REALLY wanted to go into work today, just to spite some of my students who have probably been praying that I call in sick, but figured another day at home would do me good.

So my father last night tells me how he brought home four flu shots over the weekend to give us for the winter season. I've never taken the flu shot and have been doing quite well without it. He didn't give it to us during the weekend because he forgot. He said he was really happy that he didn't give it to me because I probably would've blamed the flu shot for this current illness, therefore putting the blame on him as well. "God was looking out for me".

I can't remember the last time I thanked God for anything or even thought that God had anything to do with the fortunes or misfortunes in my life.

No, that's a lie. Five years ago I went back to Egypt to break off my engagement. It was a horrible time in my life and I felt like I was being torn apart inside. I wanted peace and so one day I prayed for it, just asked God for some peace. I didn't want Him to fix my life, I just wanted to stop feeling so bad. And after I prayed I felt instantly better. That had never happened to me before. When I returned to NY I started looking for a job and within two weeks I had been hired at a reputable non-profit. Everything was falling into place for me and it was the first time in my life that I felt a connection with God.

But for some reason this connection got lost somewhere between then and now. I don't think that I've stopped believing in a greater power, but I know for a fact that I stopped believing in religion. All religions. I admire people who have faith, envy it almost because I wish I had something to believe in. I continue to fast because it's the one thing that still connects me to my faith, I pay alms, I believe in the fundamentals of being good, I still believe in the big picture. But any form of religiousity, be it Christian, Jewish, or Muslim, makes me cringe nowadays.

Labels: Islam, religion