free stats Carmen's Web: July 2005
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Eyes watching me
I once complained to Toots about how much I hated it when men leered at me; when my every move was captured by their eyes. He replied by telling me, "S, that's a load of shit. When men stop looking at you we'll be having this conversation again, this time with you complaining that men aren't looking anymore". I was convinced that he was wrong and being in Barcelona has proven this.

I have been more comfortable in my skin here in this city than I've ever been before. No one, NO ONE looks at you here. No one analyzes what you're wearing, whether your toes are painted or not, what your hair looks like, whether your bra strap is showing or not. I'm sure this exists among the elite, but when you're walking down the street and engaging in everyday behavior you're free from the superficiality you find in New York (my best friend just told me how she was listening to some announcers on a local radio station commenting that women who don't paint their toes shouldn't be out in public). I feel freer here. I can walk down the street without hearing sleazy comments about some part of my body, without men checking me out. And you know what...I don't miss it at all.
Thoughts shared by Carmen at 9:10 PM
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Saturday, July 02, 2005
Sales and more goodbyes

Spent ALL day with Cay on a shopping spree. July and February are sale months in Barcelona and I took advantage! Bought myself a nice coat from Zara (yes, yes...buying a coat in the summer is ridiculous, but when all of you start running around to buy a coat once the winter hits I'll be sitting back in my beautiful Zara coat making fun of you...), white linen pants that I've been dreaming of for years (that I can now get away with wearing since I lost a lot weight), and a couple of flip flops to wear to the beach. I usually hate shopping, but throw in the word sale and I'm there!

Had a falafel dinner tonight at Maoz with Cay, Sally, Chris, and Lea. Cay leaves tomorrow to Pamplona for the annual Running of the Bulls (a festival that was supported enthusiastically by Hemingway), Chris on Monday for Sevilla, and Sally leaves on Thursday. One by one we keep trickling away. Goodbyes are just exhausting!
Thoughts shared by Carmen at 11:09 PM
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Friday, July 01, 2005
It's always hard to say goodbye. When I was growing up, I was always between Cairo and New York and spent the majority of my youth saying goodbye to loved ones on a constant basis. It was exhausting and painful. I've hated airports since. While most people see them as a portal for adventure and excitement, I see them as hell's gates. The only thing I've ever sought in life was to have ONE life and ONE home. All this traveling may sound exotic to some, but being torn away from loved ones is really not much fun. My grandmother hated airplanes because they took her children away to foreign lands and life was never the same for her once they all left.

I hate goodbyes. They leave a bad ache in my heart. Some of us went out to dinner tonight, the last night we were all going to be together as a group. In the morning Jerry leaves for Malaga, Kristen for Denia, and countless other people for different parts of the world. It was a very bittersweet dinner. While we were laughing and joked around all night, we knew that this was going to be the last time we would all be doing this. We tried to extend the fun for as long as we could, but you know how it goes...time always flies when you're having fun.

It was hard saying goodbye. Although we tried really hard to avoid crying, tears were shed.

Ours is a strange kind of bond. For the past four weeks we are the only people we really lived with, breathed with, broke our bread with. We were each other's support system. We never thought we'd ever become so close coming from such different backgrounds and having such different life histories. We would never have crossed each other's radars if we had met in a bar or at a party. We probably would never even have been at the same party. But thrust us together into CELTA and we become family.

I will miss everyone I have met for the past four weeks, but there are a few people in particular who I hate not to have by my side anymore. I know that we will most certainly keep in touch, but the next couple of weeks without them is going to be hard.
Thoughts shared by Carmen at 1:04 AM
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Who: Carmen

xx-something egyptia-yorker who's spent over half her life stuck in two worlds not of her own making. unable and unwilling to fully embrace one identity over the other, she created (is trying to create) her own place in the world where people love each other unconditionally, irrespective of artificial boundaries, and where dancing merengue is as necessary to life as breathing air.

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